On the day you were born

Dear Savannah,

We have been enjoying our long weekend together. You are awake in bed and I can hear your hiccups over the monitor. I have no idea why you insist on waking, shortly after I have put you to bed. It drives me a bit crazy, but I love you nonetheless.

A few nights ago, I was going through my Facebook feed and watched a video of Baby Mason, who is batteling cancer. His mommy posted a video of the day before his birth and it brought back so many memories of the day you were born. I even started crying.

When you were born, you were not handed over to me for a photo of the strongest bond that exists, between a mother and her baby. You were surrounded by many doctors in the right corner of the room and they held you up so I could get a glimpse of my beautiful baby girl before you were whisked away to the NICU. You had apgar scores of 4 and 6 and you were struggling to breathe. I was scared and sad and all I wanted to do was snuggle you from outside of the womb. I wanted to hold my baby girl. You were born at 3:41 am (no wonder you are a night owl) and it wasn't until after 6a.m. until I would see you again.

You are perfect!!

After I gained enough strength and the nurse approved, I was wheeled down to the NICU. I remember sitting in wheelchair and looking at you. Your little face covered with a CPap and needles in your fragile little body. You had an enormous hemotoma on the left side of your head. I wasn't allowed to hold you at this point. The stream of tears filling my eyes made a very blurred vision of you. I remember the nurse asking if I would like a photo to take back to my room. I thought she was crazy but now I do regret not wanting any photo of you. It was just so scary to see your little itty bitty life fighting so hard.

I had a short amount of time with you before I went back to my room for a little rest. I spent all the time I could with you and trying to get you to nurse. You had a lot of trouble nursing, so from the beginning, for almost a year, I pumped. You did nurse too, it was just very hard. We remained in the NICU for the next forty days. I rarely left your side, although I was constantly encouraged to do so. My heart was with you from day one, and it will forever be with you.

I love you Savannah Mae.

Love, Mommy

The day you finally broke out of jail!! (40 days old)