A very overwhelming week

Dear Savannah,

I have neglected to update my love for you over the past few months. The holidays are crazy. It's shop till you drop and then back up and fly. This year, we celebrated Christmas with Daddy. He came to Kansas with us and you demonstrated your A+ travel skills.  It was so nice to be a family at Christmas.

Exciting news- you are a future flower girl. Tyler and Lindsay presented us with a gift and it was a tee shirt for your duty as Petal Patrol. My heart was so thankful I cried. Lindsay is already an aunt to you but I'm so excited for this upcoming event. Both Tyler and Lindsay love you like crazy. Asher and Oliver are the Ring Security. Lindsay and Tyler's other little love, Ruthie, is also a part of the petal patrol and will be joining (maybe leading) your patrol.

This week has been nuts for us. Daddy took over your position and needed extra care. He hasn't been feeling well for months, and finally after his sugars crashing and my concern for his diabetes, he went to the doctor. He was told he had walking pneumonia, from his chronic cough, until his legs (he has chicken legs like Papa Don) started swelling and he gained 25 lbs in one month. That is when his heart became a concern.

Daddy has had numerous tests including an echo cardiogram which showed us the production rate in his heart is down 50%. Savannah, I cried for you, I cried for me, I cried for your Nana, all in the most screechy, ugly way this week. I was so concerned your Daddy was dying and it hurt me in every way. I couldn't complete a simple task. I walked into the room to get your pajamas and came back with a diaper. I was mentally and physically drained left with the questioning why? Daddy and I both love you for who you are and everything you will be. That will never change. The thought of losing you is a pain I can't describe. Add Daddy to the equation and I feel weak. We need him. We need you. And we need me, too. I'm the glue, the pit bull, (as your dad describes) that makes our family run. I go after the doctors with fierce passion and eminence love.

You are the ultimate reason I fight. You deserve everything I can ever give you. I see that you love and admire Daddy, even if you don't physically see him. You need him, I need him, and we both love him. After several hours in the ER, the week ended with "hopefully" a viral infection that attacked his heart and no real heart issue. You went to a hematologist with no "true" concern but unresolved issues. So all is good. You are sleeping, Daddy is sleeping, and I am trying to digest this week.

January has been rough. Let's make the rest of the year a breeze. I love you my Sweet Savannah Mae!!

Love, Mommy