At three, you can...

Dear Savannah,

At three years, you amaze me more everyday. Your determination is like nothing I have ever known. It is true, you are working hard at doing things that come easy to most of your peers. However, your progress is slow and steady and I am very proud of the things you can do.

You are still very much like an infant in some ways. You are getting stronger and stronger, but still need extra love. Mealtime is an example. You do a fabulous job eating, however, I cut up all your food into bite size pieces and place each and everyone in your mouth. I don't mind helping you at all, it just takes time. Lately, I have been making ribs and you love them. My little Boston bean showing preference to my Kansas roots. I love it.

Cute Romper 

Sometimes, on the weekends mainly, I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with how to be a good mommy and how to keep up with our home. I admire those who can do both. Often, I wish I was obsessive about cleaning, better yet, if Daddy had the clean gene. Well, we don't. It's ok. We don't live dirty, we just need to hire a cleaner and someone who will help us donate things that take up space. I think this is just life, but I often see picture perfect homes with children living in them and I often wonder, how?

In case you are wondering, at three, you are rolling all the time, lifting your head up more and more. You can sit independent for an average of ten seconds, but I have counted up to thirty. You still need hello with feeding but you eat like a grown man. You drink from a bottle most often, bit tolerate a nosy cup too I hope you will learn how to drink from a straw, but at this point , you don't understand a straw and you wan immediate gratification so I most often give you a bottle of coconut milk. You tolerate your stander for two or more hours a day, atleast when time allows.  You are standing with assistance almost every chance you get. I even see this when trying to put you down on the floor, in your car seat, your stroller, and the newest, your swing. It makes my heart smile to see this. It is amazing. You are a whopping 22.1 lbs and 33 inches of pure beauty!!

Rolling of the blanket

Over the past month or so, we have seen some "behavior" in the tub that we have been concerned about. It seems as if your body loses control. You are alert so we are convinced that you are not having a seizure. It's just not you. You have always loved the water.

Speaking of your tubby, I still give you a bath every night. By that I mean, I hop I. The tub and hold you so you can sit. You love to kick and splash. We encourage you to splash outside the tub, probably something most parents don't encourage but we know you are having fun and gaining strength. It's a little PT, OT, and aqua therapy all in one. Last night, you covered your daddy with water, along with our floor. Good job, sweet pea!!

Love, Mommy

A New Chapter...

Dear Savannah,

Tomorrow, we will be starting a new chapter of our journey. You are starting school. Thankfully, I will be able to go with you and help during this transition for a few days. I will meet your teachers and therapists and by mid week, I will learn to be a big girl and let go so you can be a big girl too. I know this is what you need, so I keep reminding myself, I am doing this for your growth and learning

To be honest, to say this is hard is a complete understatement. I have been a complete emotional wreck during the past few months, especially this past week. I have had the joy of caring for you full-time every single day since you were born. You are my little buddy. Your school day will be five hours, more time than we have spent apart at this point. Crazy, huh? I thoroughly enjoy being your mommy.

Your my little buddy

We have been preparing for this day in the last five months. I was fighting so hard to go to Perkins School for the Blind, until I had a change of heart. Trust me, Perkins is amazing. The staff, resources, and everything is amazing. However, we went for a school day as part of the admissions process and I left feeling sad. I was sad because the other children were unable to come and talk you. I left knowing that if I wasn't open to our placement on the Northshore, then I would be depriving you from peer interaction. So Mommy decided that an integrated class room is something I really wanted for you. You will be in a classroom with typical and disabled peers. The drive to Perkins would be an hour or more and your new school is less than fifteen minutes. The director at your new school is the reason we had Mary, our TVI, so this puts me at ease too. However, I am still anxious.

You'll do great at school! After all, you are a superhero!!

I am trying to pinpoint this anxiety. I feel that every mother has this feeling, but I feel that it may be a bit more intense for me. I guess because at this point, I know you wont understand that I will be back for you each and every day. I can't just tell you and you will understand, however, I will tell you everyday. Maybe it is because you don't see me? Leaving a child who doesn't see or talk is different from those who do. Mommy just needs to put on her big girl pants and know that you will be in good hands.

Preparing for school, I first bought you an apple dress for your first day. I also made a matching bow, go figure. Today, I searched for objects that could represent school and going home and I am still struggling a bit finding the perfect toys.  I promise to figure this out soon. I also bought you a new bag to carry all your stuff back and forth. I did buy a ladybug backpack, but because you need more room, I decided on another bag. It's crazy to think you are going to school.

We had a nice weekend. We spent time with the Allison's Friday and Saturday. You danced with Nicolas which was so cute. I held you up and he held your arms. It was so sweet. Today, you were able to enjoy your ladybug pool in your new country bumpkin bathing suit. You are stunning in red. Tonight, Daddy and I took you out for ice cream. Daddy chose coffee ice cream and I chose a twist, which you ate 2/3 of and still wanted more. I think it is about time to order you your own.

Sweet Savannah Mae, I really hope you love school. I hope we see great progress . Please never forget that I love you more than anything and together, we will get through this change. Sleep tight. You will need the energy tomorrow. I love you to the moon and back!!!

Love,
Mommy

Savannah Mae turns three...

Dear Savannah,

You are now three!! Where did the years go? It seems like yesterday when we were living in the NICU at MGH. I am so glad we are home. The only thing I miss other than the staff and chocolate cookies is the shower. It was a very hot high pressure shower. I did have to wear flip flops though.

As tradition started last year, a cupcake for breakfast. This is to teach you that it is not an ordinary day, but a very special day. A cupcake was in order when you woke up. Crazy thing is, you slept until 11 am, like a teenager would do. We will continue this tradition of the breakfast cupcake each year.

You were spoiled with extra love. The weather was raw and chilly so we spent the day indoors. We ordered five guys and invited Nana, Eileen, and your cousins over for dinner, cake, and ice cream. You love burgers with ketchup and cheese. It was a good celebration of your life.  The last two years, we have not had a big party. They are overwhelming to you. However, we will always celebrate you on May 23.

I love you for everything you are. You are beautiful. feisty, and ever so sweet . You are learning more and working really hard. I am proud to be your mom..

I love you, my little love bucket!!

Love, Mommy

The cake was a three, cut by Daddy, frosted and baked by Mommy.

Mimi picked the best flower garden!!

Thinking about all my presents!!

Spoiled!!

Therapists are like family

Dear Savannah,

Every night, I put you to bed and within thirty minutes, you are awake. Night after night after night.  Tonight was not an exception. I turned on the monitor at just the right moment. You were giggling. I wonder if you think this is a fun game? I really don't mind, it just disturbs the sleep you need. Maybe you are excited about your birthday?

Awake and happy about it:)

This past Friday, we started to say goodbye to the life we are so comfortable living. Therapy is ending, tomorrow. We had our last visit with Arielle on Friday and Holly and Mary today. I have been extremely emotional with this change. I know I will miss them. I am worried about how it will make you feel. You have been receiving therapy in our home ever since you were three months old. Our therapists are family to us.

Arielle, your SLP

You have been a little rock star lately. Last Friday, you sat independent for near thirty seconds. That's huge! You have been looking for your food when we feed you by turning to locate your spoon. You love to stand with support and even protest me putting you in your stroller, car seat, or on the floor, by standing. You are also quite content lifting your head while on your tummy. You are such an awesome little girl and Mommy is really proud. I think it is your way of pleading for your therapists to stay in your life because you are using the skills you have worked so hard at achieving. I will stay in touch with all of them, don't worry. We still send our NICU nurses updates and photos.

Head Lifts

Sitting, with a little help.

I am waiting on some flowers to finish your birthday shirt and hat. I can't wait. I also need to make cupcakes for group. Another very busy week. I love you sweet Savannah Mae.

Love, Mommy

Mother's Day

Dear Savannah,

First and foremost, thank you for giving me the best job on the planet, motherhood. I have learned so much about life in the past three years. You, my love, are my tiniest teacher. My live for you continues to grow and grow and grow, just like you. Thank you Savannah, for being my daughter. You are truly wonderful.

We spent the weekend together as a family. Daddy had the weekend off, so I had a chance to catch up on some household organizing. It's not much fun, but I love when our house feels cleaned and organized. We invited Nana over for dinner last night and Daddy cooked his yummy Mac and cheese and grilled a pork tenderloin. We still watch in amazement as you eat and wonder where you put it. :)
After all, you were weighed in at a whopping 22.6 lbs this week. I assure them that you don't gain because you are constantly moving and it has nothing to do with the amount of food you consume daily.

Today, after your twenty minute nap, we took a walk through town. So many families and mommies were out with their strollers. The weather was perfect today. We stopped for a treat and found and sat in the grassy field by the wharf. Our perfect day ended with ice cream and again, I could barely get a bite. Maybe it's time that we buy you your own.

Sitting like a big girl

Snuggles on the wharf

Daddy, because we love him too.

Mother's Day is about celebrating your mom and I wish we could have spent the day with Mimi. She is an incredible role model to me. She is compassionate and understanding. She has been a very good Mimi to you, she spoils you. I couldn't help but think how she must miss her own mom, Grandmother Dian.  It also made me think of all the mommies who have lost their babies.  Baby Mason in particular. Makes my heart ache for all of them. Life is truly precious.

Thank you again Savannah for giving me the most important role in life. I adore you and I love you fiercely. You have opened my eyes to a world I never knew and I feel that I am a better person because of you. I will continue to grow and learn more along our journey. I love you to the moon and back.

Love,  Mommy